By Kristel de Jonge
Maybe you know it: you unsuspectingly end up in an unfamiliar context and you have a free holiday experience on your hands. Think of a conversation of 2 teenagers about a game, a phone call to the Tax Office or a birthday where you end up between two experts in polymer chemistry... ‘Excuse me?’ You hear what is being said but don't understand a thing. We regularly surround ourselves with language we don't understand and that doesn't always make us feel good. The question is: how do you make everyone feel welcome through the language you choose?
‘Oooh-oh, I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York’. Sting wrote the song about the flamboyant English writer and dandy Quentin Crisp who moved to New York in the 1970s. There he was an odd man out, in many ways. When I started at Seats2meet in Utrecht in January 2020, I heard myself humming the song on the way back on the train. I had been asked if I wanted to get involved in storytelling. Of course I wanted to! So I went exploring in Seats-land: diving into books, watching videos and engaging in conversations....
“And so yes, in summary, that is a matter of relying on that asynchronous reciprocity, based on the transforium model. And so there is no monetary capital involved in that! It's all serendipity, our ecosystem.”
Underdog effect
‘Excuse me? After a few weeks, I sat down with the team and it dizzied me. The conclusion was: I'm an alien. I couldn't make sense of the information I had found. Or well, at least I seemed to be miles behind the rest of them. And that, despite experience in my own field, still gave me a bit of an underdog vibe. As if I was surrounded by all kinds of cool stuff, but not part of it, the only one who didn't get it. That got me thinking, because it could just be that I was not the only one who felt this way....
A bale by language
It is often not intentional, yet a ‘foreign’ language creates distance. This can literally be a different language (if you've ever sat on a terrace in Leeuwarden you'll know what I mean), and also because people have their own ‘lingo’; their own way of expressing something. From abbreviations (’Diogo, just for that dpt'tje: did you bring that RHW?’) to slang (which I'm not going to venture into, I'll get into a fight with my kids) and from technical terms (’Are we going to do a wide shot after that close, okay?) to the we-know-each-other-always-always-language (Remember? That was back then with that snout from the Volharding!). Result: we don't feel connected. Yet the opposite is usually the intention: we want to make people feel welcome. Especially in an open networking organisation like Seats2meet, because the more different people, the more surprising the encounters and the more magical the atmosphere. So: what to do...?
Change the lingo
I think the solution is as simple as it is complex: consciously choose accessible language and use understandable words. For everyone. And just start by taking a fresh look at words you often use to describe yourself or your business. Are they abracadabra or all-inclusive? Ask people to look and think with you (via your socials, for example, or just on the street, go crazy), to broaden your field of vision. Avoid meaningless container terms (’Our organisation is reliable’ / ‘In my work, I am very creative’) and incomprehensible words. At Seats2meet, for instance, ‘asynchronous reciprocity’ is nowadays called: the courage to trust that sharing leads to something good. And monetary capital? It's simply called ‘money’. It can be that simple.
Now you're talking
In my opinion, consciously modifying the language we use is a top training in being inclusive. Because by re-examining the words you use and being curious about the effect they have, changing them, your brain changes with them. We understand each other better, and that makes us kinder to each other. And if you don't understand for a moment? Don't take my example, with my throbbing armpits and underdog complex, but ask questions. By doing so, you will help yourself and the other person. And assume everyone's good intentions: then we will get there.
Kristel Keuren
Storytelling Shaman, Language-Tina & Professional Klepper
- Note to reader*
I have rewritten this text at least 33 times. Tried words, replaced them, let people read along. Replaced the term ‘Calimero effect’ with underdog effect, for example. Searched for examples that are recognisable or not recognisable to as many people as possible. And yet...I am sure I have missed things, that I have not been complete in my inclusiveness. Which reassures me: no one is ever fully inclusive. Simply because we can't see into each other's heads. And that idea relaxes. Should I be able to improve anything: I'd love to hear it: kristel@storytellingburo.nl
