Written by: Linda Blankenstein
See, I can never catch ChatGPT making statements like this. In my work as a copywriter, AI really is a super handy tool. Only, I always find his answers (no idea why, but I always think of Chat as a ‘he’) rather well-behaved and positive. For ‘does-she-said-that-really?’ and ‘gosh, never knew!’ statements, you really need to be with your peers. Over the past few months, I collected some inimitable twists of thought, delightful slips of the tongue, unusual practical experiences and stimulating
NOTES. ‘A finger exercise, that's a sexual thing, right?’
Title:
Work trivia. Don't click!
‘I would like to cancel some domain names,’ I tell the hosting company employee.
‘You know this can also be done online?’
I just tried that, but my screen says I need to contact customer service for that
call.
‘Aha, maybe you clicked that big green button that says ‘request cancellation?’'
‘Yes, of course!’
‘Well, you shouldn't either. Do you see at the very bottom right of your screen in very small
print “continuous”?’
‘Yes?’
‘If you click on that, you can stop everything yourself and you don't need to call us to do so.’
Clicking ‘continue’ to stop, logical...
Title: Where there is smoke
‘The other day we found a thong wrapped around the smoke detector in a hotel room.’ ‘Surely that has little effect, such a small piece of textile?’
‘Well, that thong was as big as a normal woman's knickers,’ he said.’
Title: Tastes differ
‘Did it taste good?’ the young, blonde waitress asks us stoically after each course. I still haven't figured out if she was joking or if she really thought this is the correct verb conjugation.
Title: Bloodcurdling
‘I love blood, I love clots!’ shouts the maternity assistant with sparkling eyes during a circle discussion. You need your colleagues.
Title: Keep practising
‘Then we now come to item 4 on the agenda,’ says the chairman of the consultation. ‘What actually is a finger exercise?’ the gen-Z'er asks upon seeing the text ‘finger exercise growth scenarios.’ After explaining that this is an exploration of different directions we can take as a company, it sounds somewhat disappointed:
‘I thought a finger exercise was a sexual act.’
Title: Muizenis
‘Do you even use a mouse?’ my colleague warns a staff member. ‘But Linda also works without a mouse.’ ‘Yes, but you are still young, with you it still makes sense.’
Title: Sitting low
‘Do I really have to be at the team meeting like this? I'm very low on energy.’ I hear one of my younger colleagues say it and think: I'm getting old.
Title: By touch
‘We need to make this example palpable,’ says my male colleague. ‘Oh, I mean tangible, of course.’
Title: Street talk
In my parents' street, a girl about 10 years old speaks to me:
‘Are you the director of Nieuwegein?’
‘Do you mean the mayor? No, he has curls and lives further down the street. I'm from that corner house over there.’
‘Oh, where that grandpa lives?’
‘Yes, that's my father.’
‘We rang a bell there once and then he called the police.’
‘Ah, he's a bit cantankerous now and then, but otherwise he's sweet.’
‘Yes, if we are nice to him, he will be nice to us.’
Title: Children's friend
A childless fifty-something takes a rest on a bench in the playground. The mother next to him asks interestedly: ‘Which child is yours?’He: ‘Well, I like that one over there!’ She didn't know how fast to get away.
Title: Tulip rain
It is raining. Next to me walks a woman in a bright mackintosh printed with tulips.
‘Ah, these tulips need water too,’ it sounds cheerful.
Title: School example
Popcorn film
‘At our school, many adolescents follow the rule: always deny everything until there is hard evidence',
says a friend who works in secondary education. ‘That is why I am very happy with the
cameras hanging there now. Did something happen and they glibly say, ‘I didn't do anything’?
Then I invite them to watch the images together for a while. Great, I prefer to take
a bowl of popcorn with it.’
Title: Blood Hot
‘When it is very hot, parents are allowed by the school management to keep their child at home,’ sighs another education friend. ‘Then they do enjoy going outside at home. One of the students is doing a social internship in a nursing home. His mother found it really too hot for him to work there and reported her blood sick. For the staff and residents, this apparently does not apply.’
Smurf poop
‘Our students really eat everything from glue to magnetic sand. Then we call the parents again not to be alarmed if their child poops blue.’ This friend works in special primary education and is really not surprised by anything anymore. And me? I feast on her colourful stories. In the coming weeks, look beyond your screen and leave your earbuds in your pocket. Chat with people you meet on the street instead of online and above all: listen. I'd love to hear what your ‘catch’ is!
Listening tips:
● You'll never be me (ChatGPT) - Songs Are Priceless (so there appear to be an awful lot of
numbers to be called ‘ChatGPT’, but this one has lyrics I can totally relate to
find)
● Talk - Khalid (doesn't quite cover it, but it's such a lovely summer song)
● School day - Chuck Berry
● Rain on me - Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande
